With SEND parent and author Graham Kaldow
Graham Kaldow is a father of two daughters and the author of a new book about how young people with disabilities can plan ahead to prepare themselves for independence and gain important life skills. He has kindly offered SNJ readers three free copies of his book, “What’s Possible? Plan a better future for your young adult with additional needs.” If you’d like your chance to win one of his books, enter your details at the end of this post.
Why I wrote about life planning for young people with disabilities by Grahan Kaldow
I thought I knew what it meant to be a father. With my first daughter, it was pretty much what I expected, except for the lack of sleep, of course. But when my second daughter was born, everything changed. Suddenly, I found myself involved in something no one can prepare for: the endless hours, days, weeks, years spent in hospital waiting rooms, with experts telling us what not to expect and what our children couldn’t do.
I always considered myself an optimist, but some days it was hard to stay positive with so many people dictating how her life would turn out. On top of that, our circle of friends became smaller due to lack of time to socialize and even more sadly, lack of understanding from some people.
We realised it was up to us as parents to ignore all the naysayers and find a way forward. First, we looked for a local portage service, then we enrolled her in a village primary school where there was one-to-one support. It worked for a while, but the gap between her and her peers continued to widen and we realised we needed a different solution.
This involved a battle with the local authority but no one seemed to care, much less about her, and it was all about money. Eventually we came to an agreement and a place in a great school was secured. For a while I was carefree about her future. But nothing lasts forever. As she neared the end of her schooling I realised that ‘on the edge’ was the right word. I decided then that the best way I could help her was to help her have a clear plan for her future.
Why planning is important
I’ve run my own business my whole life so I understand the importance of having short and long term plans. When it came to my daughter I realized she needed a life plan. I looked for life plan templates but they were all about goal setting, mostly material possessions. That’s not what my daughter needed.
She needed a life plan that would allow her to live the life she wanted long after I was gone, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that her life needed to be broken down into four main areas: daily living skills, relationships with people, daily goals, and money management.
I want my daughter to be more independent, which means she has to learn to do more for herself. I want her to have friends and a community because loneliness is a silent killer for a reason. I want her to have purpose and values every day. And finally, I want my daughter to be financially stable so she can live the life she wants.
Each required different tools and techniques. Scaffolding helped her develop daily living skills. Scripting made relationships easier. Finding the right work-focused organization helped her land paid employment. Learning money management skills helped her gain more control over her finances. And, as a family, we organized our finances for when we were gone.
To help put together her life plan, I came up with an approach I call VOCAL, which stands for Vision, Options, Create, Evaluate, Legacy. I needed a vision for what she wanted, and then I needed to identify the best options to achieve that vision. From there, I needed to create a plan of action. After a while, like any plan, we need to evaluate how well the plan is working. And legacy is knowing that she can live her life the way she wants after we’re gone.
Why I wrote the book
I’ve always loved writing and imagined that one day I might write a book, and I spent a lot of time with my daughter making a life plan and it worked out so well that I decided this was the book I wanted to write.
Having a life plan has completely changed our daughter’s life. At home, she does her own laundry, cleans, and irons her work shirts, and we take turns cooking in the evenings. Outside the home, she travels alone and goes to movies, dinners, and social events with friends. She has a part-time paid job where she is learning new skills and how to interact with customers and coworkers. She also manages her own money, recording her spending for the week every Sunday. There is always more to learn, but she is on track toward semi-independent and, in the long term, independent living.
This book not only details how we got our daughter to a place she loved and where she felt secure about what would happen after we were gone; it also shares the wisdom others have imparted to us over the years. When my daughter was born, I lost friends, but I found a new community: people who believe in what’s possible, who work tirelessly for kids, and who never give up. I’d be happy if this book gives someone in our community just one new idea for supporting their child.
About the Author
Graham Cadlow
Graham Kaldow is author of What’s Possible? Plan a Better Future for Your Young Adult with Added Needs.
Graham Kaldor lives in the south of England with his wife Debra and is the father of two daughters. After running various businesses for over 20 years, Graham now dedicates his time to helping parents equip their children with the skills they need to live the life they deserve. Through Red Giraffe Solutions, he helps parents of children and young people with special needs answer the question: “What does the future hold for my child?” As the parent of a young person with special needs himself, his ultimate goal is to ensure their children are financially stable, independent and fulfilled through bespoke life plans covering topics such as finances, relationship building and purposeful living. In his new book, “What’s Possible?”, Graham shares his experience supporting his daughter and explains how he has created a simple model for creating a personalised life plan to ensure a secure future.
++The giveaway has ended++
Read also:
Don’t miss anything!
To ensure you never miss a SNJ post, simply enter your email address below. To activate your free subscription, you must click on the link in the confirmation email you receive.
You can also follow our WhatsApp channel to get the latest updates from us.
Want to know more? Become an SNJ Patron!
SNJ is a not-for-profit company and everyone who posts here does so voluntarily. We need your support through a one-off or recurring donation to cover our costs. As a thank you, recurring donors will receive an exclusive SEND updates newsletter. Find out more here.
Renata is co-director of Special Needs Jungle and sits on the board of the Hertfordshire Parent Carers Forum and sits on a range of steering groups including the National Institute for Health Research funded Co-ordinated Care in Rare Diseases (CONCORD) research, community and public health strategies, delivery of SEND co-ordinated care and strategic planning and sits on a range of advisory committees for children’s charities.
Renata has previously been at the forefront of successfully changing government policy so that interventions are need-led rather than diagnosis-led, and created the world’s first specialist nurse for undiagnosed children at Great Ormond Street Hospital.
She also helped found and grow the first online support community for families of undiagnosed children and led the creation of the first ever Undiagnosed Children Awareness Day, including producing an informational video that was screened on Capitol Hill.
She is a regular speaker on television and at events, an RSA Fellow and mother of three disabled children, two of whom have complex needs and one who also has complex medical needs.
Latest posts by Renata Blower (see all)