Positive and negative
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A disabled author and online magazine publisher recently tweeted:
This is a common conflict, especially for people with disabilities. This clash over the relative merits and problems of “positivity” and “negativity” may be one of the most important divides in disability culture. Much has been written about it, including by Forbes and this author. But it’s a topic worth revisiting again and again. The question can always be examined from a new angle. So here are some questions to consider about “positivity,” “negativity,” and disability:
What stage are you in your disability experience?
People who suffer new obstacles due to illness, accidents, or aging may need to work harder to remain optimistic in the face of the challenges and changes they face. On the other hand, well-meaning but empty words of encouragement from friends and relatives can become tiresome after a while and sometimes insulting.
On the other hand, people who live with a disability for years or even decades often go through cycles or phases of “positive” and “negative.” In the beginning, it may be essential to cultivate optimism and “look on the bright side.” But over time, they encounter more persistent physical barriers, economic hardships, and ableism that require honest recognition and consideration.
Financial security or hardship?
As much as we hate to admit it, money makes it much easier to maintain a positive attitude towards life. This is true for everyone, but especially for people with disabilities. Poverty, on the other hand, exposes people with disabilities to more barriers and discrimination. Money, or the lack of it, also influences people with disabilities’ view of society as fundamentally fair or structurally flawed. If you’re doing well and feel financially secure, it’s much easier to maintain an optimistic view that things are fundamentally okay. But persistent poverty erodes trust in the fundamental rectitude of society. It also creates more immediate reasons for discontent and grievances, which are too often dismissed as “negative”.
Social privilege or stigma?
The same dynamics are often at work for disabled people of color, disabled women, gay, lesbian, and transgender disabled people, as well as disabled people who must deal with other forms of prejudice on a daily basis. Disability tends to lower anyone’s social status, but the situation is usually exacerbated when other prejudices are added. Therefore, disabled people who feel accepted and valued in life are more likely to be “positive” and to encourage “positive” attitudes in others. When various forms of marginalization are combined with disability, at least some form of “negativity” becomes inevitable.
Are they protected or subject to abuse?
Many people with disabilities are fortunate to receive unconditional love and support from their families, friends, and communities. But some people with disabilities do not have such rich and powerful support systems. Some have families that are overtly abusive or that do not know how to truly raise a person with a disability. Some people with disabilities are trapped in schools that belittle them, communities that view them with suspicion, workplaces that exploit them, or institutions that keep them trapped in unnecessary dependency and control. The wide gap between being valued and despised by those closest to them is another factor that can profoundly affect how people with disabilities perceive “positive” and “negative.”
Attitude or ideology?
Finally, “positive” and “negative” are not just personal attitudes. More than ever, they are presented as comprehensive ways of living. For many, they are essentially ideologies. Some disabled people who rely on personally maintaining a “positive outlook” may accept it as a kind of gospel that they feel obligated to share with others. And at the same time, they may see disabled people who talk a lot about “negative” things as somehow dysfunctional and bad for the disabled community. Meanwhile, disabled people who focus on ableism and injustice may come to see purveyors of “positivity” as morally negligent or complicit in the oppression of disabled people. It is not uncommon for disabled commentators who purposely express and promote a “positive” outlook to be accused of being indifferent and insensitive to injustice.
Ironically, while “positive” and “negative” seem to be such strongly polarized concepts in the disability community, they both have their place in the lives of disabled people.
Negativity is annoying when disabled people’s social media feeds are filled with stories of injustice and insoluble ableism. It becomes harmful when it leads to despair, nihilism, personal attacks and self-righteousness. But it is impossible to avoid some forms of negativity in the fight against injustice, and disabled people face a lot of it no matter what their “attitude” towards life. Every victory in the fight for disability rights and justice came because disabled people did not fear criticism, blame or risk being labeled as harsh and “negative.”
“Positivity” can be annoying when it’s nothing more than a thin, cheery cliché, delivered flippantly at the wrong moment. It can be harmful when it’s used to dismiss those who speak out about injustice or ableism, or to shame those who suffer from systemic barriers that attitudes alone can’t solve. But some people with disabilities need to intentionally practice optimism to cope with difficult situations. And positivity, grounded in meaningful knowledge, can be a weapon in successful activism against injustice.
What does all this suggest?
First, disabled people should not be made to feel bad for feeling good, but feeling good should not be portrayed as a special virtue or secret to success for disabled people, either.
Second, each “side” of the “positive”/”negative” divide needs to better understand the other’s perspective. This doesn’t mean a shallow “agreement to disagree,” but a true, accurate understanding and acceptance of the other person’s lived experience. It also requires each disabled person to recognize that their own experiences and preferences are of limited use as guides to the actions of other disabled people.
Third, people, especially those without disabilities, should be aware that to some people with disabilities, favorite sayings and clichés such as “think positive” or “focus on abilities, not disabilities” can sound more like insults than affirmations. While there may be some truth in these nuggets of wisdom, the real lives of people with disabilities are almost always more complicated. And not acknowledging that is not helpful.
Criticizing disabled people for being “too negative” or “too positive” assumes that disabled people have a choice. Often they don’t. For many, a certain conscious, deliberate optimism is necessary to avoid complete despair. For others, they must find fault and fight in order to survive.
Most people with disabilities need both “positive” and “negative” to be happy and reach their potential. The key is to find a healthy combination and to use the two attitudes as tools that can be adapted to different situations, not as fixed templates or judgments.