If I put a jar full of one rupee coins every time someone asks me to be strong and never give up, I would be a millionaire. But it’s not that easy for a disabled person to make a living, is it? In fact, this made me realise that my life is a battle that I have to fight and win no matter what! But what if I don’t want to be a warrior just for one day? What if I really want to take a break and accept that there are some things I can’t do and that’s okay? But if I do that, will I come across as someone who gives up a little too quickly? Is it so easy to judge me?
Much of our awareness of mental health and disability has been siloed, but their intersections are less explored. People with disabilities make up the largest minority in the world (over 15%), yet the challenges they face remain invisible and impact every aspect of their lives. In line with this year’s theme, “Mental health is a human right”, this World Mental Health Day, let’s dig deeper into why mental health is a bigger concern for people with disabilities and what they can do to better manage their mental health.
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People with disabilities are reminded time and time again to stay strong no matter what, to win the battles life throws at them, and to always stay positive. Having lived with a disability for 25 years, I can tell you that strong will, self-confidence, and perseverance are indeed powerful. But let’s accept the fact that living with a disability is exhausting. It’s exhausting to overcome countless barriers and challenges just to meet the most basic needs like education, employment, and healthcare. It’s infuriating to have to endure such an uphill battle to have access to the things we “need” instead of the things we want.
Diversity is the foundation of humanity, yet disability is less accepted in society. There have been times when strangers have stared at me when I was being myself or having fun. Apparently, happy disabled people don’t fit in the atmosphere. It is equally infuriating to be denied entry to restaurants, temples, cinemas, and all the public places we want to visit. Planning an outing, whether a long vacation or a short lunch meeting, requires extensive planning and research with no guarantee of accessible services. Access to care facilities is also a challenge due to the number of factors that affect it, including funding. As a result of all the factors combined, it has been found that disabled people experience more stress than able-bodied people and have unhealthy mental health days five times more often than non-disabled people. While it may seem that our disability is the enemy, studies have shown that the stressors of mental health are society. This is consistent with the social model of disability, which claims that people with disabilities are disabled because of the lack of accessibility, acceptance, and resources that can help them live an easier and more inclusive life.
While infrastructure issues are a major cause of anxiety and stress, people with disabilities also experience implicit discrimination. This includes strangers treating people with disabilities like small children (also known as infantilization), talking down to carers and attendants and calling them “inspirational,” “brave,” “strong,” etc., simply because they have a disability. Some people also advise me not to get discouraged and that things will “get okay” with time. Only if they could put themselves in my shoes (or in my wheelchair) would they understand that I would not trade any aspect of my life for anything, if I had the chance.
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Mental health is an even bigger issue for children with disabilities. Disability excludes them from participating in basic activities like play, creating a difference and separation between children with and without disabilities. This exclusion impacts their mental health and puts them at higher risk of developing mental health problems such as low self-esteem and mental illnesses such as depression than children without disabilities. It is also much harder for children with disabilities to form friendships as social conditioning constantly makes them feel worthless because they cannot do certain things like children do.
As a child, I knew I had a disability, but I wasn’t aware enough to feel comfortable asking for support and accommodations to do the things my peers do. I felt obligated and grateful to receive support for basic things like looser deadlines to complete assignments, working from home, and compensatory time to complete exams. For a long time, I felt like my life didn’t accept me and that I had to work harder and strive to make ends meet, not realizing that it was society, not me, that was responsible for inclusion. But now, I have learned that I am okay with who I am, that it is my right to receive appropriate accommodations, and that it doesn’t make me worthless.
“If non-disabled people are allowed to complain about traffic jams, why aren’t we, as disabled people, allowed to talk about the lack of elevators at work?” points out Sweta Mantri, a stand-up comedian who lives with spinal stenosis. Sweta’s humor weaves anecdotes from her life with a disability into a fun glimpse into the realities of disabled life. “Initially, I was resistant to talking about my disability. People were like, ‘Why should you complain?’ But over time, I learned to say poignant words that have a lasting impact.”
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People with disabilities often feel alone, due to a variety of factors including accessibility, employment and activity status, living environment, and the presence of support networks. Additionally, dealing with ableism and ableist microaggressions has been shown to have a profound effect on people’s mental health, leading to negative feelings directed towards oneself and reduced visibility of disability. While you must stay true to yourself and do what helps you thrive, here are some tips to promote good mental health:
● For people with disabilities, finding a community and safe space can be a cathartic experience, providing an outlet and making them feel like they are not alone. For me, my online friends with disabilities have provided a great sense of community – someone I can text or call to vent about my day.
● “Accept who you are and don’t let internalized ableism and guilt overwhelm you,” suggests Sweta. Internalized ableism refers to the feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness that people with disabilities experience in response to societal conditioning.
● Get professional help from a therapist with experience working with people with disabilities. This can also help you gain a fresh perspective on ableism, discrimination and exclusion.
● Practice empathy. Experiences shape us, and we grow with each new experience. When someone behaves inappropriately, stop judging and help them understand their perspective. Because it is only through compassion and mutual love that we can achieve our common goal: an inclusive tomorrow.
This World Mental Health Day, let us remember that it is okay to feel exactly how we feel. It is okay to feel anger, resentment, and all sorts of other emotions about the way society works (even if it can get a little overwhelming at times). But it is also very important to have your own support (my wheelchair supports me), to ask for support, and to cherish people who celebrate you for who you are. Also, a friendly reminder not to measure your progress by someone else’s yardstick. Your journey is your own, so own it.
Kavya Mukhija is an organizational psychologist, wheelchair user, and freelance writer based in Jaipur. Opinions expressed are personal.
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